How to Interview and Choose the Right Au Pair: A Matching Guide for Host Families

Sarah had been excited for weeks. After scrolling through dozens of au pair profiles, she'd found Elena — a 21-year-old from Spain with a warm smile, a degree in early childhood education, and a video introduction that made the whole family laugh. The video call went beautifully. Elena was charming, enthusiastic, and said all the right things. "I love children," she told Sarah. "I'm very flexible and easy-going."

Three months later, Elena was miserable. She hadn't expected to live in a quiet suburb forty minutes from the nearest city. She didn't realise the family had three children under five — she'd imagined something closer to the one school-age child she'd babysat in Barcelona. "Flexible" turned out to mean she didn't have strong preferences about anything, which made it impossible for the family to plan around her needs. Nobody had lied. Nobody had misrepresented themselves. They'd simply never asked the questions that would have revealed the mismatch before it became everyone's daily reality.

The matching phase is the single most important step in the au pair process, and it's the one most families rush through. You spend hours researching costs, visa requirements, and house rules — but the interview that determines whether a stranger will live in your home and care for your children often gets compressed into a single 30-minute video call driven by gut feeling.

This guide changes that. It walks you through a structured interview process — from pre-screening to the final decision — that surfaces real compatibility, not just charm.

Why the Standard Interview Fails

Most au pair interviews follow a predictable script. The host family asks about childcare experience, language skills, and hobbies. The candidate gives positive, rehearsed answers. Everyone smiles. Both sides come away feeling good about the match — because they've essentially had a pleasant conversation with a stranger, not an actual assessment of compatibility.

The problem is threefold:

Au pair candidates are coached. Every agency and every au pair forum on the internet publishes lists of "common host family interview questions" with suggested answers. By the time your candidate sits down on Zoom, they've rehearsed answers to "Why do you want to be an au pair?", "What's your childcare experience?", and "How would you handle a child having a tantrum?" Your questions aren't revealing anything — they're triggering prepared responses.

Host families ask about skills, not situations. "Are you a good cook?" gets a yes. "Walk me through what you'd make for dinner if the kids are hungry, the fridge has leftovers, and you've had a long day" reveals whether someone can actually function independently in your kitchen.

Nobody talks about the hard stuff. Homesickness. Loneliness. What happens when you disagree with the host parents. How it feels to live in someone else's home with someone else's rules. These are the realities that make or break au pair years, and they almost never come up in the first interview.

Before the Interview: Pre-Screening That Saves Everyone's Time

Before you schedule a single video call, filter candidates based on non-negotiable criteria. This saves hours of interviews with people who were never going to work out.

Your Non-Negotiable List

Write down your absolute requirements — the things that no amount of personality or enthusiasm can compensate for:

• Driving licence — if your children need to be driven to school or activities, this isn't optional
• Language level — can you communicate clearly enough to discuss a child's medical emergency?
• Age and experience — some families need maturity and prior childcare experience; others are happy with a younger, less experienced au pair
• Availability dates — does their timeline align with yours?
• Smoking — if this is a dealbreaker, filter for it upfront
• Pet comfort — if you have a dog, a candidate who's afraid of dogs won't work

The Profile Review

Read the candidate's full profile carefully, looking for specifics rather than generalities:

• Childcare details that are specific. "I love children" means nothing. "I looked after my neighbour's twins (age 4) every weekday afternoon for two years, including meals and bath time" means everything.
• Motivation that goes beyond tourism. "I want to improve my English and experience a new culture" is fine but generic. "I studied education and want to spend a year in an English-speaking family before I start my teaching career" shows intention.
• A letter that mentions YOUR family. If their application letter could have been sent to any family in any country, it probably was. Look for candidates who reference something specific about your profile.

Key takeaway: Pre-screening on non-negotiables before scheduling calls eliminates 60–70% of mismatches before you invest time in interviews.

The First Video Call: Building the Foundation

Schedule at least 45 minutes. Thirty minutes isn't enough — you'll spend ten minutes on small talk and connection, which leaves twenty minutes of actual substance. That's not nearly enough to assess someone who'll live in your home for a year.

Getting the Logistics Right

A few practical details that make a real difference:

• Time zones matter. If your candidate is in Colombia and you're in Germany, don't schedule at a time that's midnight for them. Use a tool like worldtimebuddy.com to find a window that works for both sides.
• Have both parents on the first call. If you have a partner, both of you should be present from the start — not just the one who "handles the au pair stuff." The candidate needs to feel comfortable with everyone in the household.
• Use a platform the candidate is comfortable with. Zoom, Google Meet, or WhatsApp video all work. Ask them what they prefer rather than assuming they have a Zoom account.
• Ask about recording. If you want to record the call to review later or share with your partner, ask for consent at the start. Many candidates will appreciate being asked rather than surprised.

Setting the Tone

Start warm. Remember that your candidate is probably nervous, possibly speaking in a foreign language, and very likely sitting in their childhood bedroom being watched by a parent hovering just off-camera. Put them at ease:

• Introduce your whole family if possible — let the kids say hello
• Show your house briefly on camera — their room, the kitchen, the neighbourhood through the window
• Ask a genuine, easy opening question: "Tell me about your week — what have you been up to?"

This isn't wasted time. How someone responds to a casual, unscripted question tells you about their communication style, their comfort with spontaneity, and their English (or German) level in real conversation — not rehearsed mode.

Questions That Reveal Compatibility

These are the questions that go beyond the script. They're designed to surface real information about how this person operates, not just what they know they should say.

Daily Life and Independence

• "Describe a typical day in your life right now — from when you wake up to when you go to sleep." This reveals routine preferences, energy levels, and whether they're a morning person or a night owl. If your family needs someone functional at 6:30 AM and they casually mention waking up at noon, that's worth knowing.

• "Have you ever lived away from your family before? What was the hardest part?" If this is their first time leaving home, they're more likely to experience intense homesickness. That's not a disqualifier, but it's information you need to be prepared for.

• "What do you do when you're bored and alone in a new place?" An au pair in a suburb without a car will have significant alone time. Someone who says "I'd explore the neighbourhood on foot, find a café, or video-call a friend" will cope differently than someone who says "I don't know — I've never really been alone."

Childcare Scenarios

Skip "What's your experience with children?" and go straight to scenarios:

• "My 4-year-old refuses to put on shoes and you need to leave for kindergarten in five minutes. What do you do?" There's no perfect answer — you're listening for patience, creativity, and whether they'd resort to force, bribery, or calm problem-solving.

• "The kids are fighting over a toy and one pushes the other, who starts crying. Walk me through your response." Again, no perfect answer. But their approach tells you whether their instincts align with your parenting style.

• "You're at the playground and another child hits mine. What do you do?" This tests judgment under social pressure — do they intervene directly, find the other parent, or comfort your child first?

• "It's 3 PM, the kids are home from school, and you have three hours until dinner. What does that afternoon look like?" This reveals initiative. Can they structure unstructured time, or do they need a plan handed to them?

The Hard Conversations

These are the questions most host families skip because they feel awkward. They're also the most important:

• "What would you do if you disagreed with how we handled a situation with the kids?" You need someone who can voice concerns respectfully, not someone who silently disagrees and builds resentment.

• "Tell me about a time you felt really homesick or lonely. What helped?" Everyone experiences this. What you're listening for is self-awareness and coping strategies.

• "What's a house rule you've had to follow that you didn't agree with?" This tests their ability to respect boundaries even when they find them unnecessary — a critical skill for living in someone else's home. For context on the kinds of rules you'll set, see our guide on house rules for au pairs.

• "What would make you want to end the au pair year early?" This question makes candidates uncomfortable, which is exactly why it works. Their answer tells you what they consider dealbreakers — and whether those dealbreakers are likely to exist in your household.

Key takeaway: Scenario-based questions bypass rehearsed answers and reveal how a candidate actually thinks, reacts, and solves problems.

The Second Call: Going Deeper

If the first call goes well, schedule a second one — ideally a few days later. This gives both sides time to reflect and come back with better questions. It also tests sustained interest: a candidate who's enthusiastic on call one but takes four days to respond to your scheduling email is telling you something.

What the Second Call Should Cover

Logistics and expectations. Now is the time to get specific:

Their questions for you. Pay close attention to what the candidate asks. Someone who asks about the nightlife, the WiFi speed, and when their days off are — but nothing about the children — is telling you where their priorities lie. The best candidates ask about the kids' personalities, the family's routines, and what previous au pairs liked or struggled with.

A conversation with the children. If your kids are old enough, let them talk to the candidate for a few minutes. You're not expecting a magical instant bond — but watch for whether the candidate naturally engages at the child's level, asks them questions, and shows genuine interest. A candidate who talks about children with adults but struggles to talk with children is a yellow flag.

Reference Checks: The Step Everyone Skips

If the candidate has previous childcare or au pair experience, ask for references — and actually contact them. A five-minute call with a former host family or employer reveals more than three hours of interviews.

Questions for references:

• "Would you trust them alone with your children again?"
• "What surprised you about having them in your home?"
• "If you could change one thing about the experience, what would it be?"
• "How did they handle disagreements or difficult situations?"

The last question is the most valuable. Everyone says nice things about people they're recommending. But "how they handled disagreements" forces specifics.

Key takeaway: Always do a second call. First impressions are unreliable — compatibility reveals itself over multiple conversations.

Red Flags to Watch For

Not every mismatch announces itself loudly. Some are subtle patterns that experienced host families learn to recognise:

Communication Red Flags

• Slow or inconsistent responses. If it takes them three days to reply to your message now — when they're trying to impress you — how responsive will they be when they need to confirm a pickup time?
• Vague answers to specific questions. "I'm flexible" or "I like everything" often masks someone who hasn't thought about their preferences — or who's afraid to express them.
• Only asking about benefits. Questions exclusively about pocket money, vacation days, and free time suggest someone more interested in the package than the role.

Expectation Red Flags

• Unrealistic city expectations. If you live in a small town and the candidate keeps asking about clubs, shopping, and meeting people — they may not thrive in your location.
• No questions about the children. An au pair candidate who never asks about the kids' ages, personalities, routines, or needs is concerning.
• Dismissing the workload. "Oh, 30 hours a week with three kids is no problem" from someone who's never done it before deserves gentle probing.

Behavioural Red Flags

• Badmouthing previous host families. A candidate who describes a previous family as "terrible" or "unfair" without nuance may struggle with conflict resolution.
• Inability to describe challenges. Everyone has difficult experiences. A candidate who presents everything as perfect either hasn't reflected on their experiences or isn't comfortable being honest with you.
• Excessive agreement. Saying yes to everything you suggest — every rule, every schedule, every expectation — without a single question or pushback isn't agreeableness. It's people-pleasing, and it collapses under the weight of real daily life.

Making the Decision: Head Over Heart

After the interviews, you'll likely have strong feelings. That's natural — you're choosing someone to share your home. But decisions based purely on "we just clicked" tend to be less reliable than structured assessment.

The Compatibility Scorecard

Create a simple scorecard for each candidate:

Use a simple spreadsheet, a notes app, or even a shared document in AuPairSync where both parents can add their impressions after each call. This doesn't replace your gut feeling — it supplements it. When your heart says Candidate A but the scorecard says Candidate B, take a closer look at why. Often, the "click" with Candidate A is based on charm, while Candidate B is actually the better fit for your daily reality.

Involving Your Partner

If you have a partner, both of you must be part of the decision. An au pair relationship that works brilliantly with one parent but poorly with the other creates household tension that affects everyone — including the children. If you disagree on a candidate, talk it through before extending an offer.

The Trial Task

Some experienced host families add a practical element to the process: a short trial task that simulates real-life scenarios.

• "Plan a rainy afternoon for a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old — what activities would you suggest?" Send this as a text message and see what they come up with. You're testing creativity, initiative, and their ability to communicate ideas in writing.
• "Here's a photo of our fridge. What would you make the kids for lunch?" This sounds silly, but it reveals practical cooking ability and willingness to work with what's available.

A few more ideas depending on the ages of your children:

• For families with toddlers: "My 2-year-old won't nap unless she's held. You also need to pick up the 5-year-old from kindergarten in 30 minutes. What's your plan?"
• For families with school-age kids: "My 8-year-old says homework is boring and refuses to start. How would you handle it?"
• For families with mixed ages: "The baby needs a bottle, the 4-year-old wants to play outside, and the 7-year-old is asking for help with a craft project. How do you prioritise?"

These tasks shouldn't be demanding or time-consuming — they're conversation starters that reveal real capability.

Don't Forget: The Interview Goes Both Ways

It's easy to slip into recruiter mode — evaluating the candidate, scoring their answers, assessing their fit. But good candidates are evaluating you just as carefully. If you come across as cold, controlling, or evasive, the au pair you actually want will choose a different family.

Presenting Your Family Honestly

The biggest matching mistakes don't come from candidates hiding things — they come from host families overselling their situation. Be honest about:

• Your location. Don't say "near Munich" if you mean a village 45 minutes outside Munich by regional train. Show them on Google Maps. Candidates who are fine with a quieter location will appreciate the honesty. Those who aren't will self-select out — which is what you want.
• The children's challenges. If your 3-year-old is going through a biting phase or your 7-year-old has ADHD, share that upfront. An au pair who discovers this after arrival will feel blindsided — and rightly so.
• The workload. "30 hours a week" sounds manageable in the abstract. "6:30 AM starts five days a week, afternoon pickups, dinner prep on Tuesdays and Thursdays" is the reality. Share your actual schedule, not a sanitised version.
• Your household dynamics. Are both parents working long hours? Is there a grandparent living with you? Do you and your partner disagree on parenting approaches? The more context you give, the fewer surprises everyone faces.

What Candidates Want to Know (But Won't Ask)

In every au pair forum, the same questions come up after the interview — questions the candidate was too nervous to ask directly:

• "Will I have my own bathroom or share with the kids?"
• "Can I use the kitchen whenever I want, or only at certain times?"
• "How far is the nearest city, and how do I get there without a car?"
• "What happened with the previous au pair — why did they leave?"
• "Are the parents actually around, or will I basically be the primary caregiver?"

Address these proactively. It builds trust and shows the candidate that you understand what it's like to move into a stranger's home.

After You Choose: Setting Up for Success

The interview process doesn't end when you pick your au pair. The transition from "matched" to "living together" is where many families drop the ball.

Before Arrival

• Send a detailed welcome document covering daily routines, house rules, neighbourhood info, and what to pack. The more they know before they arrive, the faster they'll settle in. Tools like AuPairSync's shared documents let you share everything in one place — your au pair can read through house rules, emergency contacts, and daily schedules on their phone before they even board the plane. Check our first-week survival guide for a complete checklist.
• Set up your communication channel. Whether you use WhatsApp or a dedicated tool like AuPairSync's messaging, establish where and how you'll communicate before they land.
• Introduce them to other au pairs. If you know other host families in your area, connect their au pairs. Having a social network from day one dramatically reduces homesickness and helps your au pair adjust faster.

The First Two Weeks

The interview told you who this person is on their best behaviour. The first two weeks reveal who they are in real life. Both are valid — but plan for adjustment:

• Expect mistakes. They'll forget things, misunderstand instructions, and need more guidance than you expected. This is normal.
• Schedule a proper sit-down after week one. Not a casual "how's it going?" but a structured conversation: "What's working well? What's confusing? What do you need that you don't have?" Put it in your shared calendar so it doesn't slip — this early feedback loop prevents small misunderstandings from becoming entrenched problems.
• Watch for homesickness signs. Withdrawal, excessive sleeping, mood changes, constant phone contact with home — these are normal in the first weeks but should be monitored and addressed with warmth, not concern.

Key takeaway: The best matching process in the world still requires intentional onboarding. Don't assume that choosing well means the adjustment will be effortless.

Common Matching Mistakes to Avoid

After talking to experienced host families, these are the patterns that most often lead to early terminations:

• Choosing the first good candidate. Urgency leads to settling. Interview at least three candidates, even if the first one seems perfect.
• Prioritising language skills over personality. A candidate with excellent English but poor conflict resolution skills will cause more problems than someone whose English improves over time.
• Ignoring location mismatch. This is the number one predictor of unhappy au pairs. If your candidate dreams of big-city life and you live in a village, no amount of compatibility will fix the loneliness.
• Rushing the process. From first contact to confirmed match, plan at least two to three weeks. This gives you time for multiple calls, reference checks, and reflection.
• Not discussing the hard topics. If you avoid talking about conflict, homesickness, and dealbreakers during the interview, you'll deal with them unprepared during the year.

For Au Pairs: How to Prepare for Your Interview

This guide is written for host families, but if you're an au pair candidate reading this, here's what you should know going into the interview.

Do your homework. Read the family's profile thoroughly. Look at where they live on a map. Check the public transport connections. If they mention three children under five, make sure you understand what that actually means for your daily workload.

Prepare specific examples, not generic answers. When the family asks about your childcare experience, don't say "I love kids." Say "I looked after my cousin's 3-year-old every Saturday for a year — we'd go to the park, I'd cook lunch, and I managed naptime." Specifics build trust.

Ask real questions — not just polite ones. The interview is your chance to find out if this family is right for you. Ask about the neighbourhood, what happened with their previous au pair, how they handle disagreements, and what a typical Tuesday looks like from morning to night. A family that's uncomfortable answering honest questions is a family that may be uncomfortable with honesty in general.

Be honest about your limits. If you've never cooked for children before, say so. If you're nervous about living far from a city, say so. Pretending to be perfect now leads to real problems later. The best host families respect honesty far more than they respect a flawless performance.

Ask to speak to the previous au pair. If the family has hosted before, asking to talk with their previous au pair is perfectly reasonable. A family that refuses this request may have something to hide — or they may simply not have thought of it. Either way, the request itself is a sign of maturity that good host families appreciate.

Key takeaway: The interview isn't an audition — it's a two-way conversation. The right family will value your honesty more than your charm.

Your Interview Checklist

Before you start interviewing, make sure you've prepared:

• Non-negotiable criteria defined and used for pre-screening
• At least 45 minutes blocked for each first call
• Scenario-based questions prepared (not just "tell me about yourself")
• Your family's daily schedule written down to share with candidates
• A clear description of your location — honest about how suburban or rural it is
• Partner aligned on what you're looking for
• Second call scheduled for promising candidates
• References requested and actually contacted
• Scorecard created for structured comparison
• Welcome document drafted so you're ready to send it as soon as you decide

The right au pair for your family is out there. But finding them isn't about luck — it's about asking better questions, listening to what candidates say between the lines, and being honest about your own family's quirks and needs. The matching phase is an investment of time. But it's the investment that pays back every single day of the au pair year.

Found your match? Download AuPairSync to share welcome documents, set up your family calendar, and start messaging your au pair — all before they arrive.