Managing Au Pair Expenses & Pocket Money: A Fair Reimbursement System

Laura thought they'd figured out the money thing. She and her husband had agreed on €280 per month in pocket money for their au pair, Camila, paid on the first of every month by bank transfer. Clean, simple, done.

Then Camila started picking the kids up from school and swinging by the supermarket on the way home. She'd grab milk, bread, snacks for the afternoon — small purchases, always under €15. Camila would mention it at dinner. Laura would say "I'll transfer it to you." She meant it every time.

By the end of the second month, neither of them could remember the exact amounts. Camila had a rough tally on a sticky note in her room: €87. Laura's mental estimate was closer to €50. The conversation they'd been avoiding finally happened at the kitchen table one evening, and it was exactly as uncomfortable as both of them had feared. Not because anyone was dishonest — but because they'd never set up a system.

Money is the single most common source of tension in au pair arrangements, and it's almost never about the amount. It's about the ambiguity. Who covers what? How does the au pair get reimbursed for things they buy on the family's behalf? Is pocket money meant to cover personal meals out, or just personal expenses? What happens when the au pair buys supplies for a craft project with the kids — is that a family expense or a personal one?

This guide walks you through a complete system for managing au pair expenses and pocket money: what the rules actually say, how to draw clear lines between family and personal spending, and how to track everything so neither side has to rely on memory.

Understanding Au Pair Pocket Money

Before you can manage expenses well, you need to understand what pocket money is — and what it isn't. The term itself causes confusion because it sounds casual, like handing a teenager spending money. In reality, it's a legally defined payment with specific rules.

What Pocket Money Covers

Pocket money is your au pair's personal spending money. It is not a salary and it is not meant to cover expenses incurred while caring for your children or managing household tasks. Think of it this way:

• Pocket money pays for: personal clothing, going out with friends, personal phone top-ups, hobbies, personal travel on days off, snacks or meals for themselves outside the home
• Pocket money does NOT pay for: groceries for the family, supplies for children's activities, petrol for school runs, entry fees when accompanying the children to the zoo, household items

This distinction is obvious when you write it down. In daily life, it gets blurry fast.

Country-by-Country Pocket Money Rates

Pocket money amounts vary significantly by country and are updated periodically. Here are the current standard rates:

Regulations change. The rates above reflect rules as of the publish date. Always verify current requirements with your placement agency or immigration authority.

When and How to Pay

The payment method matters more than most host families realise. Cash payments leave no paper trail. Vague schedules create uncertainty. Set it up properly from the start:

• Pay by bank transfer, not cash — it creates an automatic record for both sides
• Pay on the same date each month (or each week in the US/UK) — consistency prevents "did they forget?" anxiety
• Pay on time, every time — your au pair is budgeting around this payment; late pocket money erodes trust faster than almost anything else
• Pay during vacation months too — pocket money is owed regardless of whether your au pair takes vacation days

For a deeper look at the full cost picture including insurance, language courses, and transit, see the complete au pair cost breakdown.

Drawing the Line: Family Expenses vs. Personal Expenses

The single most important thing you can do is define, in advance, which expenses the family covers and which ones are personal. Don't assume it's obvious — it isn't, especially across cultures.

Expenses the Family Should Cover

These are costs incurred while your au pair is doing their job or participating in family life:

• Groceries and household supplies — anything on the family shopping list
• Children's activity fees — zoo tickets, swimming pool entry, craft supplies, playground snacks
• Transport for childcare duties — petrol for school runs, bus tickets for taking kids to activities
• Meals during working hours — if your au pair eats lunch with the kids, that's a family meal
• Family outings — when the au pair joins a family trip to a restaurant, museum, or holiday, the family pays their share
• Household items — cleaning supplies, light bulbs, toiletries for shared bathrooms

Expenses That Are Personal

These come out of the au pair's pocket money:

• Personal food and drink — meals out with friends, coffee with other au pairs, snacks bought for themselves
• Personal transport — weekend trips, visiting friends in other cities (beyond the transit pass you may already provide)
• Entertainment — cinema, concerts, nightlife
• Personal shopping — clothing, cosmetics, gifts to send home
• Personal phone costs — beyond what the family provides

The Grey Areas

Some expenses sit awkwardly between the two categories. Address these explicitly in your house rules before they become a source of friction:

Key takeaway: When in doubt, ask yourself — would this expense exist if the au pair weren't caring for my children right now? If yes, the family covers it.

Setting Up a Reimbursement System That Actually Works

Knowing who pays for what is only half the battle. You also need a reliable process for tracking and settling expenses. Here are three approaches, from simple to structured.

Option 1: The Family Card

The simplest system: give your au pair a prepaid debit card or a secondary card linked to the family account. Set a monthly spending limit. Everything purchased on that card is a family expense — no reimbursement needed.

• Works well when: your au pair makes frequent small purchases (groceries, kids' snacks, activity fees)
• Risks: requires trust and clear limits; can get messy if personal purchases slip in
• Tip: set a per-transaction limit and a monthly cap; review the statement together once a month

Option 2: Receipt Collection and Monthly Settlement

The au pair pays out of pocket, saves receipts, and the family reimburses at the end of each week or month.

• Works well when: purchases are infrequent and you want to review before reimbursing
• Risks: receipts get lost, amounts get fuzzy, reimbursement delays frustrate the au pair
• Tip: use a shared photo album or a dedicated app to photograph receipts immediately — paper receipts fade, crumple, and disappear

Option 3: Shared Expense Tracking

Both sides log expenses in a shared tool as they happen. Each entry includes the amount, category, and a photo of the receipt. At the end of the week or month, the balance is clear and both sides can see every line item.

This is the approach that scales best, especially when multiple people in the household are making purchases. It removes the "I think it was about €15" problem entirely.

AuPairSync's expense tracking is built specifically for this: your au pair snaps a photo of the receipt, logs the amount, and submits it for reimbursement. You see it instantly, approve it, and mark it as paid. No sticky notes, no forgotten amounts, no awkward kitchen-table conversations.

Whatever system you choose, the key principles are the same:

1. Log expenses immediately — not "later tonight," not "this weekend"
2. Include a photo of the receipt — memory is unreliable for everyone
3. Settle regularly — weekly is ideal; monthly is the absolute maximum
4. Review together — a two-minute check-in prevents two-hour arguments

Key takeaway: The best reimbursement system is the one both sides actually use. Pick something simple enough that it becomes a habit, not a chore.

Pocket Money Best Practices

Beyond the legal requirements, here are practical approaches that experienced host families recommend.

Set Up a German Bank Account

If your au pair is staying for six months or more, help them open a basic German bank account (a Basiskonto). Most major banks — Sparkasse, Deutsche Bank, N26, DKB — offer accounts with minimal documentation. Benefits:

• Clean pocket money transfers with automatic records
• Your au pair can receive money from home if needed
• Online banking access for managing their own finances
• No cash dependency — safer and more convenient

Don't Tie Pocket Money to Performance

Pocket money is not a bonus and it is not a tool for managing behaviour. Withholding or reducing it because your au pair made a mistake, was late, or didn't clean to your standards is not acceptable — and in most countries, it's a contract violation.

If you have concerns about your au pair's performance, address them directly in your weekly check-in. Pocket money is a fixed, reliable payment — treat it that way.

Be Transparent About Extras

Some host families give their au pair additional money for specific purposes — a birthday bonus, holiday spending money, extra pay for agreed babysitting beyond regular hours. These are fine and often appreciated, but be clear about what's a one-time gesture and what's an ongoing commitment.

• Good: "Here's €50 as a birthday gift. Happy birthday!"
• Risky: "We'll give you an extra €50 this month." (Does that mean every month now?)

Handle Cash Advances Cleanly

Sometimes your au pair needs cash for an upcoming expense — a day trip with other au pairs, a market where cards aren't accepted, a deposit for a language course. If you give them a cash advance from the family budget:

1. Agree on the amount and purpose beforehand
2. Have them return any change with a receipt for what was spent
3. Log it in your shared system immediately

Managing Shopping and Grocery Expenses

Groceries are the single most frequent expense category and the one most likely to cause confusion. Your au pair will probably shop for the family at some point — whether it's a full weekly shop or just grabbing a few things on the way home.

Create a Shared Shopping List

A shared shopping list eliminates the "I didn't know we needed that" problem. When items are on the list, the au pair knows they're family expenses. When items aren't on the list, there's a natural pause before purchasing.

Practical setup:

• Keep one running list that both sides can edit in real time
• Categorise items if your au pair shops at multiple stores (supermarket, pharmacy, kids' supplies)
• Include approximate budget ranges for flexible items ("snacks for the kids: around €10")
• Mark items as purchased so the list stays current

Set a Weekly Grocery Budget

Rather than approving every individual purchase, give your au pair a weekly grocery budget. This is especially helpful when they're doing the regular family shop:

• Typical range in Germany: €80 to €150 per week for a family of four (plus au pair)
• Give them the budget upfront (via the family card or a transfer) rather than reimbursing after
• Review actual spending together after the first two weeks and adjust if needed

Handle the "I Bought Something Extra" Moment

It will happen. Your au pair will pick up something that wasn't on the list — maybe a treat for the kids, maybe an ingredient for a recipe they want to make for the family. How you respond to this sets the tone:

• If it's reasonable and family-related: reimburse without fuss. A €3 bag of cookies for the kids isn't worth a policy discussion.
• If it's frequent or expensive: have a calm conversation about expectations. "Going forward, let's keep unplanned purchases under €10 unless you check with us first."
• If it's clearly personal: gently clarify the line. "That's totally fine to buy, but since it's just for you, it would come from your pocket money."

Key takeaway: The goal is a system where small purchases flow smoothly and only unusual expenses require a conversation.

What to Discuss in the First Week

The first week is your window to set up the financial system before habits form. Here's a checklist for the money conversation:

• Pocket money amount and payment date — confirm what was agreed in the contract
• Payment method — bank transfer, cash, or other
• Family expenses vs. personal expenses — walk through the categories together
• Reimbursement process — how to log expenses, submit receipts, and get paid back
• Shopping expectations — shared list, budget range, where to shop
• Family card or advance system — if applicable, set limits and explain the process
• Who to ask — when in doubt about an expense, who should your au pair check with?

Print or save this list somewhere accessible. Your au pair is processing an enormous amount of information in the first week — having the financial rules written down means they can refer back to them later without asking.

A Sample Expense Agreement

Consider writing a short, plain-language agreement that both sides sign. It doesn't need to be a legal document — just a shared reference:

• Pocket money: €[amount] per month, paid on the [date] by bank transfer
• Family expenses: all groceries, children's activities, and transport for childcare duties
• Personal expenses: personal meals out, entertainment, personal shopping, personal travel
• Reimbursement process: photograph receipt, log in [tool/app/notebook], settle every [week/month]
• Spending limits: unplanned family purchases up to €[amount] without asking; above that, check first
• Review date: we'll review this system together after the first month

When Things Go Wrong

Even with a system in place, money issues can surface. Here's how to handle the most common ones.

The Au Pair Feels Their Pocket Money Isn't Enough

This happens, especially in expensive cities. If your au pair raises this:

1. Listen first — understand their actual expenses before responding
2. Check the legal minimum — are you already above it?
3. Look for non-monetary solutions — maybe a transit pass or covering their language course would help more than an extra €30
4. If you can increase it, do it clearly — "Starting next month, we'll increase your pocket money to €[amount]"
5. If you can't, explain honestly — your au pair will respect transparency more than vague promises

Receipts Are Missing or Disputed

Prevention is better than cure — log receipts immediately. But when a receipt goes missing:

• If the amount is small (under €10): reimburse based on good faith. Trust is worth more than €8.
• If the amount is significant: ask the au pair to check their bank statement for the transaction. Most card payments leave a digital trail.
• If it keeps happening: revisit the system. Maybe switching to a family card would eliminate the receipt problem entirely.

The Au Pair Is Spending More Than Expected

If family expense claims are consistently higher than you anticipated:

• Review the actual items — are they reasonable? Maybe groceries cost more than you realised.
• Compare to your pre-au-pair spending — the delta is your real au pair grocery cost.
• Set a clearer budget with a weekly cap and discuss it as a practical measure, not an accusation.
• Consider doing the first few shops together so your au pair understands your preferred brands, stores, and budget range.

A Fair System Benefits Everyone

Managing money in a shared household is never completely frictionless. But the difference between a functional system and no system is enormous — not just financially, but emotionally.

When your au pair knows exactly how they'll be reimbursed, they don't hesitate to pick up groceries on the way home. When you know exactly what's been spent, you don't worry about creeping costs. When both sides can see the same numbers, there's nothing to argue about.

The families that get this right tend to share a common trait: they treat the financial arrangement with the same respect they'd give a flatmate or a colleague. Clear expectations, consistent follow-through, and the understanding that awkward conversations about money only get more awkward the longer you avoid them.

Your au pair is probably managing their own finances in a foreign currency for the first time. A little structure and a lot of transparency go a long way — not just in keeping the books straight, but in making your au pair feel respected and secure in your home.

Managing au pair expenses and pocket money? Download AuPairSync to track expenses, manage reimbursements, and keep your family finances organized from day one.